Wednesday, December 22, 2010


the last few years have been difficult for us financially. this has brought both shadows and light. struggling financially was humiliating and humbling. having to lean on people, both family and friends, was humbling. i felt like i had lost so much.
i was angry that i couldn't have things i wanted. i was angry we couldn't go on vacation. i was angry that my husband couldn't afford an engagement ring. i was angry at the world and i was fed up with life. i felt like the life i was living was pointless....i was a slave to the money we didn't have.
when i found out i was pregnant i went from being just angry to being angry and terrified. how were we going to raise a baby when we couldn't support ourselves? i wanted our baby with every fiber of my being and i was afraid we couldn't give him all the things he needed.
but it turns out we don't really need much in life. A has taught me that as humans, we truly do not need much.
we need food and water
and shelter
and love
being able to provide these things for A has changed my perspective on the things i truly need versus the things i merely want. it wasn't until i became a mother that i realized the sad state our world is in when children and babies fresh from the womb do not have these basic needs met. learning about situations so much worse than the one i was in has brought me to my knees. i count my blessings and i thank my lucky stars every day that we have a roof over our heads, good food to eat, clean water to drink and an awesome amount of love for each other.
realizing that there are alot of people in the world whose basic needs are not met has changed me as a person. i have stopped caring about material things, about vacations i can't take and clothes i can't afford. i have started thinking about how i can help other people get their needs met since mine are taken care of.
it is funny that we had to lose everything to truly see the value of the most basic things. now that i feel grateful for the life i have i am so much happier. now that i can find pleasure in the small things i don't feel like i need designer clothes and fancy cars to be happy. how did i get wrapped up in that to begin with?
there is so much joy in life itself that we don't need the material.
i am grateful i have learned this now and can live the rest of my life finding joy in the living and doing, not the owning and showing.

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