beginning

I have been quiet here for some time now. Life got tough and I had a hard time keeping my head above water.
Things are on the upswing though and I feel ready to re emerge. I have a hard time expressing negative feelings and a harder time sitting with them. I am a happy free spirit and when things are happening to pull me down I have a hard time accepting them. I am learning though that dark times make the good times brighter.
Life felt stagnant and I felt I was in a place where I didn't belong. I was a fish out of water. But now, life is blooming like a flower sucking in the sun and I feel blissed out and incredible.
My son turned one in november and I was overcome with both joy and sorrow. My baby has turned into a boy. I miss terribly the moments when he was a newborn content in my arms or wrapped in the moby. But i am excited for him as he learns to crawl and walk and explores every aspect of life with one year old vivaciousness. Being his mama is the greatest gift I have ever been given
Life is taking a fabulous turn for our family too. We are moving in January and we couldn't be happier. We have had a hard time here with a very noisy neighbor and a very big lack of space. We are constantly woken up at 2...3...4 am by our neighbor and the lack of sleep was making me crazy. In a fit of sheer frustration I looked online for apartments and found our dream space...
My family will be moving to a home in january. a space we can grow into, a yard big enough for entertaining, gardening, swingsets and sandboxes. we are in a state of utter excitement as our move approaches. This moves feels like it is carrying us to the place we belong in. Much closer to family, friends and work and private enough for thorough night's sleep and backyard get togethers.
I feel like the stars aligned to bring me to the ad for this place. i felt the brush of guardian angel wings on my soul when we were told we were chosen among many applicants for the space. I feel like I am in a place again where I can feel grateful for the life i have. When my husband lost his job i felt hopeless. i was angry, frustrated and ungrateful. I felt trapped where we were living at the mercy of a neighbor and i felt like we couldn't give our son anything he deserved including a full nights rest. that feeling of helplessness was exhausting.
my preception started to change right before thanksgiving. I started thinking about all i have to be utterly grateful for and the list was LONG. and it kept growing. i started thinking about how much we have versus what i feel we don't have. then i started thinking about what we have compared to what other people don't have....a roof over their heads, food in their bellies, medicine when they need it. I have slowed down enough to start being grateful for the fact that i have all these things. i was taking them majorly for granted.
and then the neighbor kicked in and i felt the anxiety coming back. so i turn on the computer and there it was....the perfect home. and its ALL OURS!
i am so relieved so happy so excited....
i am thoroughly blissed out and eternally grateful
i know my guardian angels have been conspiring and i am thankful for it
i am excited about life again!