Thursday, February 24, 2011


being a peaceful person and parent is so important to me. i notice that the more i invite gratitude into my life the less often anger and frustration show up. sometimes i need a reminder to do this. reminders come in small packages....when A blows me a kiss or i happen to catch a sunbeam pouring in the window. moments like these make me slow down and breathe.
this is week three back to work and it is a wee tiny bit easier than the first days. moments i catch myself feeling angry or frustrated i remind myself that i am lucky i only have to work part time and that i am lucky i like what i do. there has been such a strive for balance these past few weeks but i am at a place now where i am going to just step back and let the balance come.
i believe in balance in all aspects of life but i know balance does not mean 50/50 at all times. i learned this for the first time in my relationship with my husband. balance means we both work to keep the flow steady, not just that we put in our "half". sometimes one has to give more while the other has to give less and yet this is still balance. this is the attitude i am taking in regards to work right now.
i know life balances itself organically anyway. the more we can go with the flow the more happy we can be

Wednesday, February 16, 2011


back to work this week...real work....and the balance is eluding me. i left in tears today. i was always passionate about the work i do before i became a mother. i do therapy based on applied behavioral analysis with children on the autism spectrum. i left to stay home with A and now that my husband has been out of work so long i am back in the world of autism. and it was so hard this week.
it was hard to leave A when i want to be with him, hard to be with a sick baby who is the same age as A, hard to not let the anger i have about having to work overtake me. where is the balance?
i love what i do as work but there is a strong urge to simply be a mother. the feeling that everyday i am missing time with A is heartbreaking. will i ever get used to this feeling?